Prelude to Insanity
by Chaos Silk
Summary: Saved from Deletion by the fact that it's a gift fic. Will never be completed, but is good to look back on to see how much I've changed as a writer.
1. Randomness with Reno

Prelude to Insanity.

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight (...meow.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my muses, and my oc's

Author's notes: It's supposed to be something like a prequel to CII. Dedicated to Yakuza Princess for being my 100th reviewer on CII. Hope you like it!

Warnings: Too lazy to type out again

Reno's eye twitches as he stares at the clock, his gaze moving back to the stack of papers in his hand. He sighs, hand going for the lighter in his back pocket to light the cigarette dangling from his lips. A glare from Tseng prevents him from setting the paper ablaze too. Rude snorts, rubbing his bald head as he signs a mission report.

"Have you ever noticed how quiet it gets before the day ends?" Reno asks, tipping his chair back as he considers the paper he's supposed to be signing. There seems to be more and more paperwork on his desk everyday, it's almost like someone wants him to set his desk on fire...Which may actually be true considering it would make the day a lot more interesting.

"No Reno, we've never had the chance..." Tseng says scowling at the paper which more than likely came from Heidigger...who was admittably not the brightest of the shinra execs. Once Reno had 'forgotten' his pants and the man just complimented him on his use of technology...They were still trying to figure that one out.

"Hey what's that supposed to mean?" Reno asks taking advantage of Tseng's temporary distraction to whip out his lighter and set the stupid report ablaze. Tseng looks up at the smell of smoke, eyes automatically narrowing.

"RENO! PUT THAT OUT!" Tseng yells grabbing the much used fire extinguisher and spraying the paper...and Reno down. Green eyes blink in confusion, staring up at Tseng innocently. Tseng's eye twitches violently, Rude coughs lightly pointing to the door.

"Well I see some things don't change." Reeve says walking in with a huge stack of paperwork in one hand, coffee making supplies in the other. Rude grins, grabbing the coffee maker and starting the process of making coffee. Tseng's eye twitches again as Reno shakes the foam off and grins at Reeve who smiles back.

"So who you stalking now?" Reno asks wiping the foam off of his face and tossing the paper in the trash. Tseng glares at him but doesn't argue. The paper couldn't be saved anyways. Reeve just smirks mysteriously as he starts to sort through the huge stack of papers.

"These are the new applicants for the Turks." Reeve says placing a stack of about fifty papers on Tseng's desk. Reno made a face, waving his lighter around like a cross to protect him from paperwork. Rude stares at him like he's lost his mind.

The leader of the Turks sighs, praying that there was at least one person who could deal with the pressure of dealing with Reno...and himself on a daily basis without losing what little sanity they had like the last one did. It wasn't pretty, it took days to clean out the chocobo feathers from his hair. And it was all Reno's fault. Tseng told him not to set people's pants on fire...and three guesses as to exactly what he did.

"Who's the rest of the papers for?" Rude asks peering curiously at the huge stack in Reeve's arms. Reeve flushes and shifts it to the other arm, the top paper falling off into the floor. All three Turks stare at it.

"Man, why are you carrying around photocopies of Hojo's car with chocobo tracks on it?" Reno stares at the paper with amusement in his eyes. Reeve sighs, rolling his eyes skyward.

"Hojo wants me to hand these out...apparentally someone's trying to scare him to death and the rest of the excecs are worried...Rufus wants to pin a medal on whoever did it." Reeve says shrugging in confusion. Tseng blinks and wonders if they're going to have look into this little chocobo incident. Reno starts messing with his lighter which Tseng confiscates as soon as it comes near Reeve's stack of papers.

"Do they know anything about who did it?" Tseng asks rubbing his forehead with one hand and grabbing Reno's back up lighter with the other. Rude looks at the door and wonders if he could sneak out before on of the other execs came in and started talking to Tseng, he had a sneaking feeling that he was not going to like this.

"I heard from Rufus that it was a cult called the bloody snakes or something like that..." Reeve says, Reno's eyes grow bright at that. Tseng starts to go through a mental list of all the cults he knows...nothing matches, but then again he didn't know all the weird cults in Midgar.

"Was it the Bloody Serpents?" Reno asks practically bouncing in his chair with excitement for some odd reason. Tseng stares at him with a strange look in his eyes. Reeve nods, wondering exactly how Reno knew this cult. And Rude, well he gets really pale and falls out of his chair.

"Uh Rude, are you ok?" Reno asks getting out of his chair and staring down at the twitching bald man. Tseng and Reeeve sweatdrop and look at each other. Rude squeaks...

"It seems that everytime I walk in here something's either on fire or someone's lying on the floor twitching. Though usually it's Reno." Rufus says walking into the office and staring at Rude. Rufus scratches his chin thoughtfully as he watches the man twitch.

"So what brings you to our little corner of insanity?"Reno asks finally succeeding in setting Reeve's stack of papers ablaze. Reeve shrieks and drops the flaming stack of papers on the floor of the office which is thankfully flame-proof. Tseng's eye twitches as he regards Reno, Rufus just laughs.

"I'd like you guys to go with Scarlet to meet with the heads of the Bloody Serpents." Rude screams again twitching violently, Rufus looks down at him and continues on talking. "Just Reno and Rude though...they might uh...molest Tseng. And if they attack Scarlet, just stand back and watch the show...I don't want you guys put out of action just cause Scarlet wants to mess with a group of violent psychopaths."

Everyone in the office blinks, except for Rude who twitches dangerously close to the pile of burning paper, Tseng's eye twitches again and he looks at Reno who's laughing maniacally now. Rufus rubs his forehead as Reeve finally finds the fire extinguisher and put out the fire.

"So why does Scarlet want to meet with these psychopaths?"Reno asks, frowning as the pretty flames are doused. The red head sighs bringing out his twenty-seventh lighter and bringing it dangerously close to his paper filled desk. Rufus watches him with glowing green eyes wondering why Tseng wasn't confiscating the lighter.

"She wants information from them...She has a feeling they know something we don't. Though why she doesn't go ask one of the members in Shinra I don't know." Rufus says crossing his arms and leaning up against Rude's desk. Tseng blinks in confusion. "About half the people in Shinra belong to this cult. It's a wonder we haven't heard of it before...I think that there's something Scarlet isn't telling me."

Tseng frowns picking up the top paper of the new recruits and staring at it. Reno sets his desk of fire while Tseng was distracted again. Reeve flushes and raise the fire extinguisher only to find that it's now empty, leaving Reno's desk to burn. Tseng sighs and rubs his forehead, Rufus just watches with amusement.

"I think we should hire this young lady...So help me god Reno if you set this on fire I am going to kill you." Tseng growls as Reno brings his lighter closer to the page. The red head blinks and backs off. Tseng turns back to Rufus. "As I was saying. She describes herself as belonging to the cult...Perhaps we can learn more from her."

"Perhaps..."  
And so Scarlet got her ass kicked by two priestesses and was shoved in a trashcan, Rude was chased up a flagpole by a man who threw a sparkly purple fuzzy snake at him after revealing he was deathly afraid of snakes to Reno, Tseng contacted the young lady who applied for the Turks position and was scared out of his mind, but still decided to hire her, Rufus went back to his office to plot and Reno, well he was Reno. He laughed his ass off at everyone else and set someones's pants on fire.

The End...Until CII starts.

Special thanks for my CII readers and reviewers for cotinuing to inspire me to write more insanity.

BloodyChaos: "Well...It's not as good as I would've liked but...well there's not much I could've done cause I didn't really want to go into Rhiana and Juno's meeting with Scarlet because we all know what happened...Well my CII readers do anyways."

Zach: "Must you plague me with your insanity?"

BloodyChaos: "I will hang you in the closet again, so shut it. Anyways please review and tell me what you think. and if you want to read more, go read CII this is just the prequel. I felt I needed some more inspiration...I'll get the next chapter of CII up soon hopefully..."


	2. Randomness with Seph

Prelude to Insanity.

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight (...meow.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my muses, and my oc's, RandomRenoFangirl owns Sandy Mikage...who is mentioned in this fic.

Author's notes: Well there really wasn't supposed to be a second chapter, but I really wanted to write this so I did...I love Sephy, Zack and cloud soo...here it is. I think I'll just post random things up when I need inspiration on CII.

Warnings: Too lazy to type out again

How Sephiroth, Zack and Cloud ended up in Reno's car (Between Chapters 1& 2 of CII)

"Shit, I lost my car keys..." Zack sighs rumaging around his pocket. Sephiroth looks up from glaring at his food and stares at him, Cloud blinks and wonders why Zack said that. While Rufus starts screaming at Palmer for eating his food when he wasn't looking, not that he was actually going to eat it.

"Zack, we're in the middle of the cafeteria. What would you need your car keys for?" Sephiroth asks, poking the throbbing mass on his tray with his fork to see if it was alive and if it was he was going to throw it at Zack. Cloud stares at it, suddenly glad he decided to bring his own lunch today.

"I want to throw them at Hojo, that stupid monkey. No offense to you two, you're pretty intelligent...For monkeys anyways." Zack says reavhing in his back pocket to find his car keys and ending up sticking his hand through the hole in his pocket. Sephiroth and Cloud blink and look at each other.

"Zack, for the last time. We are not monkeys."Cloud says, taking a bite of his sandwich. Sephiroth watches him eat longingly and looks back at the twitching mass on his plate. Somehow he suspects the cafeteria food was what remained of Hojo's experiments cause he's quite certain he saw something that looked exactly like it the last time he went in the lab.

"Yes you are. You guys are just in denial." Zack says waving his fork around all superior like. Cloud and Sephiroth's eyes twitch and they look at each other. Sephiroth starts to reach for Masamune only to remember that that scary blonde psychiatrist 'borrowed' it, so he grabs a carrot, one of the few recognizable items on his plate and stabs Zack with it. "OWWW!"

"You know I hope someday in the future you get a really annoying stalker who loves to hug you til your lungs burst." The blonde says watching Sephiroth stab Zack with the carrot. Cloud looks thoughtful for a moment. "Reeve'll do, but he's stalking that pilot dude."

Zack glares at the liitle blonde, blue eyes narrowing in anger cause somehow he knows that's exactly what's going to happen sometime in the not so near future and it's all Cloud's fault. (A/N: Actually it's all RandomRenoFangirl's fault.) So he does the only thing he can think of in revenge.

"SQUISH!" Cloud screams and falls over twitching. Sephiroth stares at his fallen comrade for a moment shrugs and redoubles his efforts to kill Zack with the carrot.

After five minutes of attempted murder with vegetable weapons and screams of 'Squish', the three SOLDIERs finally come to an agreement: they really need to find Zack's car keys. So they start in the most obvious place, the parking lot farthest from where Zack is parked.

"Hey isn't that Hojo's car?" Cloud asks pointing towards the car covered in chocobo tracks and scorch marks. Sephiroth blinks and looks at it, eyes narrowing as he scans the damage.

"Wow looks like some Psychopath did a number on it." (A/N: Guess who. ) Zack says inspecting the massive burn marks on the vehicle. Sephiroth just nods, trying to figure out what kind of weapon..or spell could've done this. Cloud shrugs and continues the search for Zack's car keys...Which are hidden in Zack's hair, but he doesn't know that now does he.

"Could someone please tell me what a penguin is doing in the parking lot?" Sephiroth asks, looking down at the cute black and white bird as it waddles through the spaces. Cloud and Zack blink in suprise as they watch it slip and go sliding across the parking lot.

"Who knows..." Cloud says, staring at Masamune which has somehow became imbedded in the pillar keeping a ton of concrete from falling on their heads. Sephiroth grins and grabs it, happy to have his favorite weapon back, though he's sadly dissapointed he didn't have to kill anyone.

"So how are we supposed to get home?" Zack asks, looking around desperately. Sephiroth and Cloud look at each other and shrug. Zack continues babbling. "I mean I lost my car keys, Seph's car was either stolen or blown up or both and you don't have a car." He points at Cloud.

"Why don't we ride home with Reno today?" Sephiroth asks pointing to a bright red SUV which was owned by a certain pyromaniac. Zack stops babbling for a moment to stare at his general while Cloud nods thinking it a good idea. Reno lived near them and he was pretty nice.

Unfortunately for them Elena kidnapped Rude and was holding him hostage so she could go warn the leaders of the Bloody Serpents to the danger they were now facing and Reno's car was the only one big enough to hold them all. So they were forced to deal with Elena's personality disorder, Rude's screaming, Tseng's eye twitching, and Reno...enough said.

"So tell me again why we're going to warn the people we're supposed to be kidnapping before we kidnap them?" Reno asks...

TBC...maybe

Ask Reno...Cause MakoAnima had an interesting question.

BloodyChaos: "Say hi to the nice readers Reno."

Reno: "Just the nice ones? What about the not-so-nice ones or the mean ones?"

BloodyChaos: eye twitches "Just say hi."

Reno: "Hi!" waves

BloodyChaos: "Good Pyromaniac...Now you have been brought before me to answer a question."

Reno: "I swear I did not set fire to Hojo's lab...It was Tseng. He made me do it."

BloodyChaos: sweatdrops "That wasn't the question."

Reno: "Ooohhh...Well I still didn't do it."

BloodyChaos: "Whatever anyways...MakoAnima asks: "Where do you get all these lighters?"

Reno: "Oh that's easy. Cid signed me up for this eighty lighters a week program last Christmas. He though it was something I might like and it was really cheap, like 50 gil a year. So each week I get eighty brand new lighters in the mail and that's where all my lighters come from."

BloodyChaos: "Fascinating..."

Review Corner: Thanks to all.

To ElfPrincessG: Thanks for reviewing my SET, I was feeling kind of nervous about posting this.

To RandomRenoFangirl: Lol, I get exactly what you're saying.

To MakoAnima: Well there's the answer to your question...And it's bad to set fire to your homework...before the teacher grades it anyways.

To DarkSpyke: It has been continued...points at Caffeine Induced Insanity which is 100 pure insanity. It's only rated M because I was kind of nervous about it and Cid's potty mouth in a couple chapters.

To Eclipse and Shadow: You poor thing, I know exactly how that is. I have over three hundred muses total, but most of them are off doing various errands that I sent them on so I only count the 32 that are always here annoying me.

To Ryu the Youkai: Yep, if there's one thing I lack it's sanity. And I agree with you, that's why I write so many of my characters as pyromaniacs.

BloodyChaos: "To people who haven't read CII, the last line is a direct quote from the second chapter of CII...I just had to put it in there."

Zach: "...You and your issues."

BloodyChaos: "Anyways, I'm betting this fic won't make a lot of sense unless you go read CII. Which I suggest you do anyways cause it's funny. Kk, please review and tell me what you think. Ciao."


	3. Randomness with Crossdressing

Prelude to Insanity.

By BloodyChaosDragonKnight (...meow.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my muses, and my oc's, RandomRenoFangirl owns Sandy Mikage...who is mentioned in this fic.

Author's notes: I have no clue where this came from and why I wrote it.I blame Raphael the muse of Tragedy...

Warnings: Too lazy to type out again...Tseng/Reno hints but only if you look very carefully

What ever happened to the Fourth Turk? Way before CII began.

Was it just him or was the minute hand going backwards? Cause Reno could swear it was. He sighs, glancing about the room with sharp green eyes. Tseng was asleep, Rude was playing SOLDIER with his paperclips, his desk was on fire and there was absolutely nothing to do.

Except dress Tseng up as a girl with the items he and his cousin stole from wall market...Now there was an idea worth trying. Reno smirks over at his unsuspecting boss with a demonic twinkle in his green eyes. Tseng shivers in his sleep as the redhead started to look for the bag Rhiana had shoved at him before she ran off laughing maniacally.

"Rude looks up when he heard a noise coming from Reno's corner of the room and blinks as he watches the pyromaniac attempt to stealthily creep across the room. He looks back to the paperclip war on his desk and wonders if he should just ignore Reno and destroy the evil wutaiian pushpins...But that thought went down the drain when he glanced back to Reno and something black and lacy peeked out of the redhead's bag.

"Reno...What are you doing?" Rude asks trying not to sound to interested, rubbing his bald crown as he stared at his partner. Reno jumps and grins sheepishly at his partner, running his hands through the ends of his ponytail. Rude narrows his eyes as the sly Turk reaches into his bag and pulls out a skimpy black dress.

"I'm going to dress Tseng up like a slutty barbie doll." Reno says grin getting bigger by the second. Rude smiles as he sees Tseng jump awake at the sound of his name. His gold eyes narrow as his sleep fuddled brain processes what Reno just said. Slutty barbie doll, eh. He'd show him.

Reno yelps as one-hundred fifty pounds (guestimating here) of pure vengeful fury launches himself at him and starts ripping his clothes off (A/N:Not what you're thinking...Perverts)...And then procceeds to force him into the items he was going to put on Tseng.

Fifteen minutes later Reno was no longer bored...oh no he was scarred for life. Not only did Tseng force him to wear to wear the lacy black dress, he made him wear the underwear Rhiana stuffed in there as well...Why she thought he needed women's underwear he did not want to know. It was almost like she was planning this...which he didn't doubt at all knowing Rhiana.

"RENO! Hold still while Tseng fixes your hair." Rude growls as he continues to play war with his paperclips. Reno continues to squirm in his chair which he has been tied to by the handy bungie cord Tseng found stuffed under his desk. Ooohh Rhiana was so dead next time he saw her.

"Come on Reno. hold still while I make you pretty." Tseng cackles evilly as he finishes braiding Reno's hair and puts a black ribbon through it, he rummages through Rhiana's bag of crossdressing necessities and pulls out a make-up kit. Reno stares at him with wide green eyes as he holds it up for inspection...

"Hell no. There is no way you are putting that on me...Back you crazy wuttaiian man, Back I say...mmph."Tseng shut Reno up by casting silence on him and carefully starts to apply makeup to the struggling red head. Rude watches with a smug grin on his face.

Thrity minutes later Rufus walks into the office to have his daily arguement with Reno, he stops half-way to Reno's desk when he realizes it's not Reno sitting in his desk. But a pretty red-headed woman in a slutty black dress...On closer inspection it IS Reno...Rufus can't stop the laughter that explodes from his mouth.

"Shut up...it's not funny." Reno growls at the vice president while glaring at Rude and Tseng who are both snickering at the poor red head...And just to make Reno's day worse the mysterious fourth Turk who shall be known as Bert walked in, took one look at him and fell on the floor laughing maniacally.

Needless to say, Reno spent six minutes in a dress, tied to a chair and muttering death threats underneath his breath at the stupid people who were laughing maniacally at him. Tseng at least was snickering politely behind his hand, but Rude was all out guffawing...man for a quiet guy he could sure laugh loud.

"So Reno...How's about you and me go on a date. Cause you're looking pretty fine in that dress." Bert asks, completely over his laughing fit. He stares up at Reno with hopeful eyes, Reno pales and looks at Tseng, who twitches.

"Hey Bert." Tseng says, an innocent look on his face as he regards the annoying Turk with angry gold eyes. Bert tears his gaze away from Reno and looks up at his superior. Tseng's eyebrow twitches and a cruel smirk threatens to cover his face but he squashes it, still looking innocent. "How would you like to take a walk..."

Bert stares at him with wide eyes thinking over his options, he could stay here and hit on Reno, facing certain death when the redhead escapes or he could take a walk with his boss who had that look on his face that he always had on before he did something violently evil...Maybe he was going to ask Bert to help him with something. "Sure..."

"...Out the window." Tseng finishes as he grabs Bert by the scruff of the neck and casually tosses him out the open window. The three unbound people rush to the window and watch as Bert plummets to his death.

"Gee Tseng don't you think that was a little harsh?" Rufus asks, then pauses as he remembers the times Bert stole the last donut and waved it in front of everyone's face. Then the time he painted the men's room hot pink and that time he spread super glue on every single chair in the building, Other more violent, disturbing, annoying events came to mind as he tried to remember exactly what good Bert had done for anyone. He couldn't think of a single thing, except that time he dipped Scarlet in honey and threw her to the hobos. "On second thought, that was way to quick and clean of an end for him." And with that all three left the office.

"HEY! AREN'T YOU GUYS FORGETTING SOMETHING!" Reno screams as they walk out, struggling against the bungee cord that kept him bound. He growls and thankfully Reeve walks in randomly to save him. "Thanks Reeve, Now to kill Rhiana for putting me into this mess in the first place...just as soon as I find where Tseng hid my pants."

Meanwhile in the headquarters of the Bloody Serpents, Rhiana felt a chill run her spine and resolved to hide from the world for the next seventy-two hours. Where you ask, at Reno's house. Nobody ever looks for her there, not even Reno. When she finally wandered home, Vaukashi found himself wondering why in the hell she was wearing a black dress, a hair ribbon and make up. he then shrugged and decided not to ask because she looked more than slightly traumatized.

TBC...

Ask Reno...

BloodyChaos: "Well here we are for the second addition of ask Reno...How are you today Reno?"

Reno: Still in the dress, makeup and high heels. "You are an evil, evil person."

BloodyChaos: "Thank you...now our first question is from RandomRenoFangirl...She asks: Why do you have those scars under your eyes?"

Reno: "A traumatizing event in my youth revolving around Rhiana, a lawnmower and a tree branch. This is a little reminder to everyone: Do not insult someone who's on a riding lawnmower even if you can run faster than it cause tree branches are evil."

BloodyChaos: "...Okies RandomRenoFangirl's second question.Why did you join Shinra? Why couldn't you be on Avalanche's team?..."

Reno: "have you seen Cloud's hair...it's all spiky and scary and...blonde. All blondes are irrational evil hyperactive psychopaths, even the dumb ones..."

BloodyChaos: "...Since I'm blonde I think I'll take that as a compliment. Sandy Mikage would like to ask if you would go on a date with her."

Reno: "If she brings me regular clothes, a lighter and pays for the date sure."

BloodyChaos: "And our last and final question is from Eclipse and Shadow who ask: Where did you put yopur shock rod thing and where did you get it."

Reno: "It's in my desk somewhere with all the other things Rhiana randomly got me...And in case you haven't already guessed Rhiana bought it for me cause she wanted a reason to set fire to the weapons store...The weirdo."

BloodyChaos: "Well that's all the questions for today...Til next time Bye!"

Review Corner: Thanks to all.

To MakoAnima: ...Log-in boxes are evil.

To RandomRenoFangirl: Wow...I think that's the longest review I've ever gotten. Sorry about your nose. If it makes you feel better, my little sister tried to run me over with the lawn mower a couple days ago...which is where I got the idea for Reno's scars.

To Eclipse and Shadow: ... lol. Your reviews always brighten my day.

BloodyChaos: "...That was quite possibly one of the weirdest things I have ever written...Oh well please review and tell me what you think."


End file.
